Building Dynamic Faith: Trusting in God Even When You “Mess Up”

Building Dynamic Faith: Trusting in God Even When You “Mess Up”
Isaiah 43: 1-7
There’s an old saying that there are three sexes- men, women, and preachers. Preachres ought to be able to walk on water, or that they are perfect. We’re not. My purpose for relating this story is to help you grow in your faith, especially if you think that you have lost it, or done something so bad that you cannot get it back again. Friends, the devil would like nothing more than to see you defeated, permanently side-lined on the shelf of effectiveness. Some preachers you hear about get sidelined because of adultery. Some because of wrong financial dealings. Some because of lying and lack of integrity. Mine was because of fear. If you feel after hearing this message you no longer have confidence in me, well- I leave that for you to decide and I’ll just trust God to do what He will. I want to tell you this morning how I went through deep waters, and how Jesus jumped in and rescued me.
I wish that in 1994 I had a church family that was as loving and as understanding as the one I am in now, or I probably never would have done what I did- not that I blame the church, I blame myself, for what had happened. Romans 12:21 says: do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. The church was growing- not phenomenally, but it was reaching out to the professional and international community that God had called us to serve in this Washington D.C. suburb. Blacks, Asians, Africans and others were fellowshipping with us every week. We baptized more people in one year than we had the previous ten. You would have thought the deacons on the board, and many of the other church leaders would have been excited- they weren’t. Instead, they felt threatened. They didn’t like all these. I was also a lot younger than I am now, and I couldn’t understand that. I was getting restless and impatient- probably not waiting on God the way I should have, and that, dear friends, was my undoing. I’ve given it all over to the Lord now, and all of that is under His blood of forgiveness. Our life at church was not very happy in those days. Every action we did was met with malice and suspicion. There was also sin in the church, and no matter how much I protested its existence, I was told to mind my own business- especially about the unusual affection that two of our deacons and their wives seemed to have for one another, and for others in the church. I knew my ministry was on its way out when I stumbled upon a liaison between one of the deacons and another woman in the church. These people were in their early sixties- certainly old enough to know better. When I stopped at a traffic light and looked over and saw this woman getting into our deacon chairman’s van, I slumped down so they would not see me. It was too late. They had seen me before I saw them.
Things began to deteriorate rapidly after that. I felt the pressure to leave the congregation, and my feelings of fear and insecurity began to grow more noticeable. But I was convinced that they had not hired me, but that God had called me there. In spite of the friction that ensued, the church continued to grow. But Satan was also at work, waiting for the right moment to trip me up. That winter, our boys who were five and three and a half at that time, needed a large warm place to play and run off some energy for a while. Their baby sister was laying down for a nap and needed some quiet. I told Robin I’ll take the boys over to the church, since we lived next door. It was in the 20s and icy- I brought over their matchbox cars and they could play in the fellowship hall while I engaged in a short counseling appointment. The boys would not be far away, and they should be alright, I reasoned. They were content to play down there on the waxed tile floor, zooming their cars on the floor. I planned to check on them occasionally to make sure they were alright. A few moments later, my appointment arrived- an unchurched couple that I had been witnessing to, showed up for premarital counseling. I escorted them into my office and left the door open- listening to the sound of my boys playing downstairs. I was scarcely into the opening remarks of our visit when I heard a crash of metal downstairs in the church fellowship hall, followed by a blood-curdling scream. I rushed to the stairway, almost with one bound, when Jared met me at the top of the steps, still sucking on his thumb, trying to tell me that his brother had been hurt. When I saw the sight of what had happened, I nearly passed out. Apparently a match box car toy had become lodged beneath a rolling rack made for portable metal chairs. But the custodian had placed the heavy metal banquet tables on the rack so he could wax the floor a week or so prior to that. When John went to retrieve his car, the tables dislodged, and fell on top of him, and on his little hand, severing one of his fingers and nearly severing two others. The blood from the site was horrendous. The couple who had come in for counseling were horrified, I shot back and said, “this is one of the things you might run into when you have children. Are you sure you want to do this?” They looked at one another and left the building. I never saw them again.
I wrapped John’s bloody hand in a towel, along with the appendage, and carried him up the stairs. My heart was racing so badly I could hardly breath the prayers I was uttering, O God please stop the bleeding. Please don’t let my son bleed to death!” I was so frightened I didn’t know what to do. In what seemed like an hour, but actually it was just a few minutes, the paramedics arrived- not just for him, but also for me. I tried not to look at Robin, for fear she would see the fear in my eyes and get upset. We got to the Suburban Hospital just down the street. A neurosurgeon by the name of Dr. Goldblatt, who just happened to be on call in the emergency room that day, took care of the entire matter. “Don’t worry,” he said, “we’ll have that finger sewed back on and you’ll never know he had been hurt.” Those reassurances were a sign from God that everything was going to be okay. “He might loose some agility in his fingers at first, but he’s only five years old. Give it time. I’ve seen kids go through a lot worse and they’ve grown up to be dentists and concert pianists. He spoke to John and said, “Do you play any instruments?” he asked, “No, not yet. But I think I would like to play the drums!” With thanksgiving to God, those fingers were set and reattached. Just a small scar appears now from the ordeal. But it was nothing to compare with the scar Satan would leave in the weeks following that accident.
The next thing I knew, I learned that the deacon I had witnessed with the extramarital affair, and been talking with others about having social services called in “to take my kids away” as he was quoted, because of child-endangerment. Actually he feared I would sue the church for the custodian’s negligence, but I never had any thoughts to do that. But he feared a confrontation from me about that and his personal indiscretions. All this discussion went on while I was preaching, when he and a couple of others in the church would count the morning offerings and then slip out of the service up to the nursery to count it while I was preaching. One or two others reported the conversation to me. My blood ran cold when I heard what they said. I cannot let such a thing happen. I will make sure that word of this gets established and then the whole church will know what is going on. Surely God would vindicate me, I said. And then I did one of the stupidest, dumbest things I have ever done in my life. I purchased a voice activated cassette recorder, hoping to record more conversation and other goings-on in that church nursery, where my own children were being cared for at that time. I must confess to you I did that out of a fierce combination of fear and stupidity. Fear causes us to do stupid things. A nursery worker- in fact the grown daughter of the man who was conspiring against me, dislodged the cassette recorder from behind a drawer in the diaper cabinet. She discovered it and reported it to her father, who then threatened to have me arrested for wiretapping without a court order, a felony in the state of Maryland. My troubles went from bad to worse in a fleeting moment of fear and anxiety. In just one moment of faithless, lack of trust and dependence upon God, our home, my ministry, our future- was nearly in ashes. I had messed up big time. The legal entanglements that faced me were insurmountable. I thought about hiring a lawyer, not knowing that I needed about $5000 to retain one and that the District Attorney was the deacon’s brother in law I didn’t think I had a defense anyway. I had never felt so alone, so helpless, and so isolated in my entire life at that point.
II. Now I told you this long story to get to the sermon. I read my Bible and probably prayed more during that long winter of 1995 more than I ever had in my entire life. I had several dark nights when I wondered if I would make it to the next day. I had forgotten that I was God’s child. Instead I was orphaned. I was so despondent and my heart was so heavy that, without me even knowing it, my father who worked near by drove down during lunch and took away all my hunting rifles. During those days I read about Job whose story we just read about this morning. No one ever suffered as much as he did- so much more than I did. He didn’t have his children taken away by social services- he lost every one of them through death. He lost his wealth, and his health all in a matter of days. There is much we can learn from him about victory in life after we have suffered some of our most difficult hours. His story is one of the most incredible accounts in Scripture, and it reveals the cosmic spiritual battle that goes on in heaven behind the scenes in this life.
God told Satan, “Behold, all that he has in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person,” Job 1:12. This text emphasizes a great spiritual truth: Satan has no power over our lives except by the permission of God. So Satan took away all of Job’s possession. Wealth could easily be lost in the ancient, and bandits stole all his sheep and cattle in one day. His herds were devastated and his servants were murdered. Then, before the day was over, all of his children were killed by a desert storm when they house they were in collapsed. Devastated by these personal tragedies, Job simply responded, “Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21). The Scripture further explains that in all that had happened to Job, he did not sin against God. Later Satan struck Job with a terrible disease. Boils and blisters covered Job’s entire body. He had not only lost what he loved the most- his children- but now he lost his health as well. In the next scene, Job is seen sitting in a pile of ashes, pathetically scraping himself with a broken piece of pottery. He had been reduced to the trash pile of life. Can you even imagine his suffering and pain? Broken and rejected, Job sat there all alone. Job’s friends came to console him, but eventually they ended up accusing him of committing some secret sin. Their consolation turned to condemnation and criticism. Just when Job though things could not be worse, they did…his wife gave up on him. I’m so glad Robin did not give up on me. She was angry at me for what I did- and angrier for not telling her the threat we were under but I wanted to protect her and spare her the grief of hearing all of that. Robin stood right by me in spite of every thing. I don’t know what I would have done had she not done so.
But in all this, Job did not let his faith in God waver. In spite of his personal pain, he learned to keep on living by the grace of God. And because of that faith, God eventually vindicated him and blessed him with ten more children and twice as many possessions as he had originally. Job knew that he could depend on God no matter what went wrong. That is what I had to learn as well.
We too can learn how to handle life’s toughest problems as we come to the realization that when all goes wrong, even when we have messed up so badly, God’s way is always right. He is still moving on our behalf wanting our greatest good to come together for His glory. We must trust God even as we walk in the darkness. The real problem each of us has to ask ourselves is, “How am I doing with my problems?” Has Satan ever bombarded you and gotten you down? Has he ever threatened you like I described, or tried to pull the rug out from under your life and leave you with a pile of ashes? If that is where he has you now, this is no time to throw in the towel. When you do get down, you probably get lonely and start to wallow in self-pity. You feel like no one understands your pains and your problems. You may even think you are the only one suffering in the entire world. That’s when Satan comes along to say, “See you blew it! You are all washed up. No one really cares about you anyway so why not just end it all?” When the devil tries to beat you down, remember Job. In spite of all his troubles, and even the rejection of his wife and friends, Job hung on to his faith. He put his confidence in God and trusted Him with his very existence. Friends I want you to understand, God is always there for us, even when we cannot see Him, He is there.
Job’s greatest source of strength was the promises of God. He knew God could bring him through his troubles. Absolutely nothing can happen in our lives that God has not promised to see us through, who has said in His word in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
III. When you pass through the fire, how do you rise up out of the ashes? Take a look first of all in your rearview mirror. In my side mirror of my car there is an etching in it a sentence that says, “caution, objects in mirror are closer than they appear.” That is also true of our lives. Many times we might look in that mirror, but all we see is ourselves so we think its okay. We don’t see the devil on our shoulder shouting out the plans to fall into sin or make a wrong decision. You cannot live in the past, so why should you let past failures control your future? But sometimes you need a review mirror to get a total view of the journey ahead. So today get out a piece of pare and list two or three past problems that could have destroyed you. Mine was faithlessness and fear. The real mirror we should be looking at instead is God’s Holy Word that tells us that we have a loving God who wants us to come to Him for cleansing and forgiveness. I John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just.. It doesn’t matter if others were wrong, its important to confess the wrong that you did because two wrongs don’t make it right.
Secondly, take your spiritual temperature. Look at your life today to determine what you’ve learned from your past problems. How are you stronger now than you were before all these storms in life hit you. What did God teach you through your troubles. God showed me in the book of Isaiah these words that got me through those tough times: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.” Isaiah 43:2. What did you learn about God as you passed through the waters. Maybe you also walked through fire, like I did in those difficult days after I hid the cassette recorder.
Thirdly, look beyond your present troubles. Building dynamic faith is not just about when we succeed, but especially when we mess up. Since God has used past troubles to make you a better person, don’t you think He can do the same thing again? God may have more than one lesson to teach you. Identify what you expect to learn may give you present hope in that dark night. Consider all your issues a faith issue. Why is it that you react the way you do? We ask, “Why is this happening to me? When our whole focus is on ourselves, and on our problems, we lose God’s perspective. But when our focus is on God, He shows up as so magnificently larger than any troubles we may now face.
Friends, since God brings troubles into our lives to make us stronger and better, when you refuse to learn from them, we turn our backs on God. Accept these trials by faith, learn from what God wants you to know, and work through today’s difficulties by following the principles of His word: “And all these, having obtained a good testimony by faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.” Hebrews 11:39-40